My (Future) Wife…

This might seem kind of random, but I don’t think my future wife will be a Facebook friend. What I mean is I don’t think I’m going to marry a girl who is also my friend on Facebook. Of course it’s possible – God knows it’d greatly increase my odds of being married simply because talking to pretty girls has always been a challenge for me – but I don’t really want to. It might be because I was raised by my grandparents who were used to calling someone instead of texting or emailing them, but I think learning about a person’s likes and dislikes from their online profile is kind of cheating (beyond being stalker-esque). At the same time, I think hanging out with someone in person – not depending on technology to make the conversation possible – gives you a much more thorough insight to the other’s personality. You learn all their ticks, all their tendencies, all their personal traits that make them who they are. It’s that kind of stuff you don’t learn very well on the internet.

Sure, texting is great, fun and effective. But unlike talking with someone on the phone, you have the ability to edit what you want to say. When you’re on the phone, you don’t have the luxury of deleting things you say; it’s much more spontaneous, raw and human. Skype is great, too, but for me, it’s not what I want. There are many things I look for in a girl, but one of the top things I consider is if the girl is someone I can talk to on the phone for hours. I mean, she’d probably do most of the talking, but even then, if she’s a girl that I won’t mind staying up late listening to, then she’s probably worth pursuing.

Facebook is fun to waste entire weekends on, but it’s not a place to get a wife, I don’t think. And neither are the dating sites. Constructing any kind of online profile for the purpose of advertising yourself as a suitable man or woman for marriage is not only cheating and giving up, but robs humans of what we need: humanity. You don’t get the person with both their traits and flaws, plusses and minuses, things that annoy you and things that make you smile. Instead, you get what they’ve fabricated. You get the parts they found most attractive about themselves. You get an advertisement about how they’ll make your life better than ever. And honestly, they seem more like infomercials instead of real human beings.

I realize that some of you may have online-dating profiles and have maybe even gone on some dates from these sites. And maybe you have a better perspective of what they’re actually like. But I’m much more old school. I think God is better at writing our love stories than we are. And I think that if we take verses like Matthew 6:33 to heart, we’ll be surprised by the kind of love story God might have drafted for us. Even at the practical level, letting a relationship grow through an honest and close friendship – letting it grow much more organically (I know, that’s such a hippy word) – will create a stronger, more durable relationship in the long haul. Think about it: Marriage is something long-term; don’t you think it’s better to have a stronger foundation, a stronger friendship?

With as great and fun and helpful as social networking sites can be, I think they can take the fun out of certain things like dating and true friendships. They’re great for keeping in touch with long-lost friends, no doubt, but I don’t think they belong at the starting point of an honest and true friendship or relationship. At least for me they don’t. I would much rather meet a girl face to face, have only her phone number (that doesn’t receive text messages) to keep in touch through, and hang out with her in person than to entrust the rest of my life in something with a frail foundation. Of course, if you know me, I’m talking about things that are probably decades down the road (if at all). But I’d rather make up my mind about these things now instead of trying to figure them out as I go along. Like in a golf tournament (or any other sport or game), having a strategy figured out beforehand does a great job of minimizing one’s mistakes. I’ll make a lot of mistakes in the dating/courting realm of life, but I think I’ll make far fewer if I approach patiently and prepared.

At the end of the day, I want the messy business of dating. Yeah it means more work for me and a longer waiting period, but I think it’ll be worth it. I want to learn all the little ticks and tendencies of the girl I’m going to marry. I would much rather want to know my wife more fully than more quickly. And I’m not saying that quick marriages can’t work or can’t be enjoyable; I’m only telling you what I want for my life. There are many options for one to find a wife or husband. For me, though, I’d much rather wait for God to introduce us than Facebook or the internet.


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“Do not mistake me for a conjuror of cheap tricks.”

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