In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been blogging much this month. Honestly, I haven’t had much time to really do anything. Between two jobs and teaching Sunday school every other week, my mind has kind of been in constant go mode. That means my pensive, reflective, and blogging mode has taken the back seat.
The only reason I’m writing anything at all today is because I had the day off. And I need to write something. Work has been crazy and awesome on all fronts (Duck Store, Putters, and church) and I’ve really enjoyed this past month. And yet, within the past couple of days, I’ve been wondering if I’m really going to be ready for what’s to come.
At the end of the month, I’m supposed to be leaving the Derbyshire. I promised them four months ago that my stay here wouldn’t be longer than September and I mean to live up to that promise. But that’s just it; I’m kind of clueless as to where to go. Normally I have roommates to live with, but it’s already too late with everyone tied up in their own living situations. My only option besides staying here longer than planned or promised would be to live alone and I don’t really want to do that.
I don’t want to live alone because, well, I believe being alone is what makes people crazy. I don’t want to go crazy. Two summers ago I was living alone for an entire month as I waited for my two roommates to get back from their summer breaks. It was absolutely miserable. Of course I didn’t have a job back then, let alone two, and summer school was over, so I really didn’t have anything going on to get me out of the house. Usually I just wound up at the nearest Starbucks drinking coffee and reading books… which wasn’t so bad, come to think of it.
But I don’t want my life to be spent at coffee shops reading books for leisure. I want to do something. I want to make some sort of significant impact on somebody else’s life and I’m not sure I’ll be in the most supportive environment if I’m living alone. What I mean is, I need people there – even if they’re always in their room or the living room. I just need them there to ruffle my feathers a little, get on my nerves every now and then, and maybe even get a beer with me after a stressful day. If I’m living alone, I’m not so sure I’ll really have that at all.
There are two things that my current mindset is overlooking. The first is that I’m never truly alone. No matter what the situation, God is here with me. This is something that I’ve often told other people who have issues with being alone like I do, which I guess might be why I’m often taking it for granted. Even so, it’s just as true for them as it is for me; God never leaves us. Another way of putting it is: We never fall so far that God cannot reach us. Not even when we’re living alone.
A good friend of mine pointed out the second thing for me. What is it? Opportunity. She told me not to think of living alone as a terrible thing, but rather an opportunity in which I could grow substantially. Or rather, in her words, “You’d be surprised what you could find out about yourself when you’re on your own.” With as much as I’ve learned about how much I need other people, I could learn quite a bit about myself and how much I desperately need a solid relationship with the Lord.
Are the Derbys really kicking me out of their place? No. And I’m sure that if I asked nicely they’d let me stay longer just to get my footing financially. But am I still going to be here when October 1st rolls around? I don’t know. With what my friend told me earlier today, I’m actually warming to the idea of living alone. I might be able to read all those books I said I’d read this summer, maybe even write a book myself, or I might watch all the episodes of How I Met Your Mother… again… for the third or fourth time…
What I’m about to say might sound terribly odd, but hear me out: I don’t know where I’m going to be in two weeks, but no matter what I’m looking forward to it. A very thick cloud of fog has camped itself on my road and instead of turning on my brights and making things worse for myself, maybe I ought to just look for the Light of the Lord. And then follow.