It’s kind of hard to believe that it’s been nearly three weeks since my last post. It really doesn’t feel like that long. In hindsight, though, it’s understandable: I moved about ten days ago, I had been working quite a bit leading up to Christmas, and, honestly, I haven’t had much to say.
With all that has happened at Calvary Fellowship within the past month, it’s been a pretty hefty gut-check to my spiritual life. Yes, I’m still praying and reading on a regular basis. But as far as finding a church home is concerned, it’s been tough.
Why? Well, the home I’ve had in years past is about to change dramatically in the next month or so. So many new changes are about to happen that I don’t think I can sit in the same seats and feel at home. When my grandpa moved out of the house I grew up in and into the apartment he’s lived in ever since, I couldn’t suddenly call his apartment my home or even the house I used to live in. Someone else lives there now. It’s someone else’s home. It’s how I feel about what used to be Calvary Fellowship.
Today was supposed to be my last Sunday morning there, but when I woke up to go, I was not feeling well at all. So instead, this coming Sunday will be my last day and mostly it’s just to let everyone know.
It isn’t just because Danny resigned or because several other friends are trying something new, also. It’s because over the past two weeks I’ve been feeling God lead me elsewhere. If I were to try and stay on with the new leadership, I’d probably only get in their way. I think I’d try to keep things the way they once were, which would only slow everyone down, especially myself. And if I were to jump right into a new church somewhere else, I think I’d be too defensive and maybe even bitter over losing what I once had with Calvary. It just wouldn’t be good for me either way.
So, in light of a new year, I’m going rogue for a while. I’ll be taking a break from church for the first couple of weeks after this Sunday and then after that bouncing around to see what other churches in town are like. I’ve really only been to one other church besides Calvary, so I think it might do me some good to gain a little perspective. In the meantime, I’m going to read a few books, write some stuff, and just hang out with friends. It’s a break I think I’ve needed for a little while.
When I shared a few thoughts with the congregation a few weeks ago, I had said that Jesus was a wanderer. He traveled all over Jerusalem and spoke with many different crowds. Rich, poor, pious, reckless – you name the lifestyle, Jesus probably hung out with them at some point. In a similar way, I’m looking forward to wandering a bit and maybe even getting lost for a while (no, not in a lost-sheep sort of way; just getting out of my comfort zone a bit). If there’s ever a test for how much you really value God and His Son Jesus, it’s testing things for a short while on your own.
In both Matthew and Luke (and it might be mentioned in Mark), Jesus goes off into the wilderness for “40 days and nights.” However long it actually was is irrelevant; what matters is that He deemed it important enough to get away from His home and the way He used to live His life to set His mind right before God did something big. I don’t know if God’s going to do something big in the way He did with Jesus – in fact, I highly doubt it. But it’s clear He’s making big changes and I think it necessitates a season in the wilderness.
And it’s there where I hope to spend some time with Him. I just hope my eyes, ears, and heart are ready to receive Him.